april 19 2015

Its been just over two weeks now that I am home. I still have sadness and heart ache.  But I need to remind myself that in sad over the idea of being with a man.  Over the idea of having someone to have coffee with in the morning,  sad over the idea of what I thought our life was going to be. His smile was beautiful and the laugh lines around his eyes were so damn sexy!! I melted when he would smile at me.  I never knew anyone who would beam with love when I walked into his view.  That was the most  amazing feeling in the world. I mean, who wouldn’t love that?

Going back to the begining,  it started out fast.  Faster than I wanted but I’m so damn easy going and I figure, ya know,were older now. No need to play games.  Id  stay a night at his house,hed stay a night at mine.  Then he gave me his gas card and told me it was worth the drive.  Hed pay for the gas.  Well that only lasted several weeks. So now I’m paying my own way.  How convenient.  And it made it easier to spend more nights.  Less gas.  I’m on to this but, again, I roll with it.  No one is home at my house, why be alone.  Loving…omg, this man is amazing.  Touching hugging kissing.   Holding me coffee on the couch white watching TV.  30 years I begged my ex husband to snuggle on the  couch with me. What for I’m comfortable here.   So snuggling on the couch was big.  Hold me all night long in bed. Are you friggin kidding me? Did he read my mind? Did he know my ex didn’t do that either? Then, there was the shower.  Ok,this is where he gets me hook line and sinker.  Let’s take a showed baby.  Um you go ahead I’ll get in when you’re done. What,  I want you in there with me.  Didn’t you ever shower with your husband? No, I didn’t. I tried not to let him see me naked if I could help it.  At this point, he ever so lovingly holds  me, kisses me,  and says…baby, you are beautiful, this is who you are.  Were not 20.  I love you just the way you are.  You are you and I want to see you.  If you want to loose weight, I’ll help you,if you want to eat,  I’ll eat with you.  Just don’t get to be 300 lbs.   Bam he’s got me. He accepted me for exactly who I was. Still 70 lbs over weight and some loose skin from already loosing weight.  He accepted me and continued to tell me i was beautiful.  How many times he would put me in front of the mirror  without any makeup on and tell me how beautiful I was.  I want to see you not all that makeup.  One morning i looked in the mirror and thought, I AM BEAUTIFUL.  I snapped a pic ic and sent it to him and said  I am beautiful, and he came back with, yes you are baby.  I’m telling you. I was in. All the way.

Life Is good. everything I always wanted was right in front of me.  Constant love and excitement and approval.   We ate our meals together had coffee together TALKED.  Holy crap, we talked. Did my ex husband tell him everything that he never did? He hit every nail right in the head. Never missed.

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